Sunday, March 30, 2008

Evil Neutral : It's The Future

No, this isn't a roleplaying article.

Long-time readers of the Bottom of the Glass will know that I have a bit of a thing about moral hypocrisy, the media and the way that the masses tend to latch onto whatever is dangled in front of them as 'truth' without questioning it once. Yes, I said 'the masses' - sue me!

Well, whilst I was being told that I should that I should be pumping students full of caffiene in order to help them burn through their busy lives whilst also only selling them stuff that enhances their need for organic, natural and traceable produce, I had a revelation.

It is actually impossible to live in this world without stumbling across hypocrisy.

Everything you do has a fucking carbon footprint. Everything you eat is either destroying you, the planet or both somehow. Every job is either a cynical manipulation of the capitalist system or exploiting someone or something. No-one can be trusted, no-one can be believed in, no-one is good anymore. Really, it's all a bit shit.

So how do you live in this whirlpool of personal effluent? Well, I've decided to champion a scheme similar to that which our green friends have been doing for years. They have 'carbon neutral'? Well, I'm going to have 'evil neutral'.

What is Evil Neutral?

Well, everytime you do something heinous or wicked, something that exploits someone or something, destroys you or the planet or generally fucks about with people, you have to do something kind or generous, something that helps or heals someone or something, something that improves you or the planet or generally makes people better.

Can't get by without your cheap-as-chips £1.99 chicken breasts, even though you know that they are cut from cruelly treated battery farmed fowl? That's fine - you can always buy some overpriced organic cheese from a local farm to balance things up. Send someone a rip-snorting flame of an email? Why not write a review of your favourite fanfic writer as a balance? Cut someone up on the motorway yesterday? Help an old lady across the road today!

You cannot escape the shitstorm of the world we are living in, but you can do your bit to make things not quite so shitty all of the time.

Think Good. Think Evil. Think EVIL NEUTRAL TODAY!



redben said...

'Send someone a rip-snorting flame of an email? Why not write a review of your favourite fanfic writer as a balance? '

Any fanfic writers you have in mind? ;)

Isn't this old school D&D True Neutral?

Anonymous said...


Not only do I suck at being Carbon Neutral.

I'm awful at being Evil Neutral too!

I must do something to reduce the "footprint" of my Evil!

Unfortunately though I also think that we should have "whiney liberal socialist eco-penitent" Neutral as well. But maybe thats just another part of my evilness?


redben said...

'I must do something to reduce the "footprint" of my Evil!'

You're an acolyte of Thatcher, it's already too late :-)

Vodkashok said...

Well you see Dave, it works both ways. You spend a couple of months diligently recycling your waste, walking rather than driving and turning every electrical appliance off before you go to bed?

Excellent, to balance that out you have just earned the night with two human trafficed Latvian teenagers!

Evil Neutral, see?