I liked the fact that they jumped two series to escape the nightmare of Season Eight. I liked the fact that Kochanski was MIA, presumed dead. However, I think they missed a trick. This should have been the massive geek fest send off that I think people wanted. The cast are not getting any younger and it showed. This was not a pitch for a new series, this should have been a nostalgia fest.
So, here is the alternate Red Dwarf special. By me. Aged 38 and a half.
- You have all of the cast, including Holly etc. Splash the cash.
- Mysterious ship is seen on the scanner
- Its from Earth! But before it can be contacted it is attacked by a Replicant fleet
- The Replicants have been hired by the Gelfs to avenge the insult done to their High Chief's daughter by Lister. The Gelfs are holding Kochanski as she is Listers 'false wife'
- Realising that Earth is NOT destroyed and that Holly has been a total smeg head, the gang have to flee the replicants and trace the flight of the ship back to Earth.
- They realise that between them, they do not have the skills to get themselves back to Earth but they know people that do!
- Use a number of old RD devices to summon up Uber-Intelligent Hilly, Ace Rimmer, The Female Lister and Dwayne Dibbly.
- Hilly expires calculating the final route to Earth, through Gelf Space
- Ace Rimmer holds off the Replicant fleet in Starbug but never makes it back...
- Female Lister and Dwayne act as a diversion for the Gelfs
- The crew rescue Kochanski
- The crew manage to plot their way back to Earth, falling through the mother of Black Swirly things.
- They get back to Earth as heroes and throwbacks.
- Everyone gets their happy ending. Dave is made King of New Liverpool, with as much lager and curry as he wants - and settles down with Kochanski
- Cat discovers that there is a Feline Outpost on the Moon, producing the finest fashion
- Kryten is given a position as a cleaning droid, ala WALL-E
- Rimmer discovers that holograms and humans have integrated and he is actually quite normal now.
- Everything is going great, apparently, but we discover that the heroes are getting ... bored and lonely without their companions. Especially Lister and Kochanski
- They decide to resign onto the next Jupiter Mining Corporation ship, the refitted Red Dwarf.
- The series ends with everyone going about their duties and the Captain coming over the tannoy stating that the nozzle on the Chicken Soup Vending Machine on G-Deck. Could Senior Technician Arnold Rimmer please go and fix it.
- Lister turns to the camera, shrugs and says 'Here we go again!' as everyone dives for the Statis chamber!
OK, so its not perfect, but its better than League of Red Runners bilge.
Dr Who was ace, however.