We all have a hidden secret. We all have something that we don't think other people should know. Today, I'm going to out myself.
I love Strictly Come Dancing.
I don't know whether it is the dancing, the costumes, the glamour, the bickering fracas of the judges or what but there is something that keeps me coming back again and again. Whats sillier is that I never vote and I never watch the follow-up dance off thingy on Sundays. For me, its the process rather than the result that beguiles. Up until now.
Ladies and Gentlemen, an injustice of 'Whip up a Bat-Signal!' proportions is liable to be foisted on us this evening. If it does, I may just explode!
The three semi-finalists are Gethin, Matt and Alisha.
Gethin is a Blue Peter presenter. His schtick has been 'Oh God, I have to touch a woman! I'm so embarassed! How can I get over this major barrier and show my true self." Yes mate, I would have SO many problems putting my hand on a fit Danish dancers arse in the privacy of my own dance studio. He is good however, very good.
Matt is currently in Eastenders. His schtick has been 'ZOMG! I'm young and crap but plucky and the female judge fancies me. Oh and my partner is FIT AS FUCK! Look! She looks like Natalie Imbruglia crossed with a porn pixie ... oh and I fancy her' Last week he was atrocious and actually stopped dancing in both of his dances because he forgot the steps... more on that later.
Alisha is the former rapper from Mis-teeq (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=m0ZayLAysjg) She's the one that sounds like her Jamacian grandad when she raps. She has a simple schtick. She is better than anyone else in the competition by a country mile. Seriously, she is better than some of the professionals! She has broken the competition record for the number of 10s awarded by the judges.
So she wins right? WRONG!
She is fucked and here is why...
1. The judges have started to realise that she is a runaway winner and therefore their judgements on her have been ... hyper-critical. Whilst Matt can get away with murder and be touted as the second coming of Fred Astaire for basically standing like a tentpole and having Miss Fit Lass dance around him, Alisha gets 'Well, we expect so much from you ... and you didn't quite put your foot down hard enough on one step.' They still love her but they are feeding that very British notion that the leader should not be the winner. How DARE she be good? Surely she should be shit and then get better, not just be consistently excellent?
2. She simply doesn't fit the demographic of the people who vote on that show. She is a woman (the last two winners have been men. Athletic men in their mid-30s... ). She is mixed race and that has been highlighted on the programming by appearances by her black and white grandparents. She is exceptionally attractive. I cannot see the great masses of middle England turning out to vote for her when they can vote for that nice lad from Blue Peter.
3. The final, I believe, is a vote and in that aspect she is totally fucked. The writing was on the wall last week when somehow she ended up in the dance-off. That means she came in the bottom two after the rankings of the judges and the public were put together. The Judge scores were
Gethin 4, Alesha 3, Letitia 2, Matt 1 - and in fact it could have been worse because as Gethin and Alesha were tied it could have been 3.5
Matt won. Which means he MUST have come first in the public vote. This was after he totally cocked up both his dances and STOPPED FUCKING DANCING! However he is still in the competition because he happens to be young, nervous, a face from a highly rated TV show and paired with Sex-In-Tights.
Quite simply, the public vote aspect of the contest makes the idea that it is a contest a complete farce. In the final four, if you stop dancing, you should be out. Plain and simple. No amount of boyish good looks should get you through. I can see her getting through tonight as the judges should recognise the quality - although at least two of them seem to be so infatuated by the comeback kid natural of the two blokes that I could be wrong - but in the final she loses out for being too good and daring to be consistently good.
And then don't get me started on 'Who Dares Wins' - the best National Lottery Quiz slot ever invented! Genius.