Wednesday, August 03, 2011


Here's an honest to god transcript of a message between me and another guy who plays Wrestler: Unstoppable -  a wrestling based facebook game. I'm Joey, he's Acer. Its special....

Acer: actually I won't, because I just fail every move, but the game won't fail a move on you when you pull the same combo three times....that would NEVER happen for me. LUCKY FU C K ING YOU. Unlucky you, you've had all the success against me you're going to have.

Acer: You're busy on the newsfeed, switching stables or companies? Lol

Joey: No, just getting my behind into gear for once. So much to do, so little time

Acer: cool cool...just saw you clogging it up a lot...haha

Acer: yup, might as well just keep the f-ing losing streak alive. god dam it

Acer: maybe next time you could do what would have f-ing happened to me in that fail a pin, I think...oh I can take this, and one of those little bs moves, which apparently never fails for anyone else, fails for me and I still lose the match.. I'm sure glad I can f-ing give matches away...f-this

Acer: Oh look, another win for you, and another loss for me off a failed pin...sure be nice if the game ever let me have that f-ing luxury. Thanks for that birthday present, ass wipe.

Acer: of course....because I get NOTHING EVEER>>>>>>>.all I f-ing do is give and and lose....

(Acer wins a match)

Acer: well, there's a mercy

(Acer loses again)

Acer: well that was a waste of my time, maybe it's time to unfan you and get something out of it. f this bs. go play with yourself, might as well be. more fun for me anyway..f you.

Joey: Whatever. Its not my fault the RNG falls in my favour sometimes. Best of luck though - you have been nothing if not entertaining.

Acer: go fail double axe handles, reverse chinlocks, footstomps....arm bars, bodyslams....funny how you get more moves in one f-ing turn than I get in an entire match....seems pretty much fair. I call bs when I f-ing see it, and if you don't then you're f-ing blind. when the game isn't fun for me, i try hard to make it less fun for you. Go f yourself.

(Acer loses a match with his being a fan of me ‘on the line’ although I had no idea if I had to win or lose for the honour…)

Acer: too never fail to f-ing ruin my life.

Joey: You really take this seriously don't you?Just relax mate - its just a game. A very random game at that. Nothing to get all stressed about at all.

Acer: failed piledriver with 100 momentum = me un-fanning you. I can't help it if the game doesn't want me to succeed moves. You obviously cared a lot about me staying your fan. If I can't succeed moves, then I do what I can do.

Acer: too bad for you. Since I get nothing but disappointment and you get nothing but success, it's time for you to have some retribution for my victimization.

Joey: So you wanted me to throw the match, so that you would stay as my 'fan'? Wow.... thats another level.

Acer: well, I figured that at SOME point maybe I wouldn't fail every f-ing move for no god dam reason, but I guess that's never going to f-ing happen. I didn't want you to throw the match, but since I'm about five succeeded moves from anything good happening to me, something bad should happen to me taking you into the alley and f-ing up your face with a garbage can lid, since all you are is garbage and these matches have been garbage.

Acer: you NEVER f-ing inexplicably fail a move, how f-ing nice. you get everything and I get nothing, so time for you to get nothing.

Joey: Would it help if I told you I lost five title belts and three title matches last week in the biggest run of fail ever? You focus on the bad mate, not the good. You've beaten me loads in the past - months ago you were unstoppable (no pun intended). Its a run of bad form, thats all. But there's no need to be f-ing and blinding about me on the feed, thats just rude.

Acer: well, that's true...I'll take down the feed stuff...but we're done for a long freaking time.

Joey: No worries - when you want to dance again you know where I am. Best of luck

Acer: Thanks...I'd have better sentiments for you if even ONE of these nothing matches had gone my way. I won't dump you as a friend, but don't expect me to send a support your way any time soon, and I have little sympathy for your lost titles. Actions have consequences, even ones that you have little control over. Since you ruined my day last night and today on this game, you deserve a little f-ing suffering.

(Acer decides to fight me again, and after a couple of losses, I win a match after a pretty good comeback)

Acer: yup, amazing how events turn how I say I won't de-fan you and then that happens. Congrats on your good fortune. It ought to have some consequence. I shouldn't be surprised, why would I think that the game would ever f-ing do anything my way ever.

(He finally de-fans me….)


Brendan Falconer said...

Uh... So if I'm reading this correctly, and I might be wrong because I don't know the game you're on about or quite how it works, but it sounds like he's whining and swearing about a purely random game not giving him wins and hinting that this is somehow conspiratorial or your fault?

Ben said...

Yeah sorry about that, I get carried away sometimes...

Vodkashok said...

Yes Bren - thats exactly it